Friday, March 1, 2013

Dreams For Zachary - Impossible Dreams?

Less than 2 years ago I had never heard words like hypotonia or low muscle tone.  Conditions like cataracts, developmental delays, or going to pediatric therapy never even crossed my mind.  As I look back on the past 21 months, I never dreamed our 4th child would come with needs for so many doctor visits, eye appointments, or therapy visits.

I've felt a change in my perspective.  With my other 3 kiddos I never rejoiced over a few ounces of weight gain.  I never prayed for them to hold their own bottle or pleaded to God on bended knee that they would sit or crawl.  Now the tiniest of change causes our whole family to rejoice.  Simple things that you'd probably never even consider.  While my perspective has changed as to what a 21 month old should be doing, I sometimes feel like I'm getting used to this new way of life.  I'm so used to putting Zachary in the infant room at church, or bottle feeding him, or spoon feeding him his meals that it's hard to imagine what a normal 21 month old is like.  Oh, I still do that unhealthy comparison game.  The one where I notice what a baby younger than Zachary can do, or how far ahead of him other children his age are.  I feel jealous, sorry for Zachary, sorry for me.  I wonder if that will ever go away.  Somehow, on most days, it's easier than I think it should be.  I can only attribute that to the love and prayers of family and friends.  God is holding and sustaining us through this new journey.

I have dreams.  God sized dreams.  Dream that normally seems simple, but for Zachary it seems like mountains.  I dream and pray that Zachary will stand on his own two feet.  He has never stood up.  I dream that he will one day walk.  I dream of him talking and getting to  hear what his voice sounds like.  And as silly as it may sound, I dream of Zachary one day reaching his arms out to me to pick him up.

Dreams.  Hopes.  Burdens.  Worries.
They all lead me to the foot of my Savior, pleading on Zachary's behalf.  
Trusting that God can do the impossible!


  1. Jessica- you are sharing your inner most thoughts and feelings. I remember doing this a few yrs ago. I called it my therapy. God will bless you in a unique way. And you will bless others by sharing your story. We will pray with you for God to use Zachary in a fabulous way. ;)

    1. I'm very timid to share my thoughts and this was a huge step for me to put this blog out there. But the more who know & pray the better, right?!