Thursday, August 6, 2015

Keep On Trucking / Crying Over a Pajama Shirt

I hope it’s not crazy to cry over my son’s pajama shirt, because that’s what I did this morning.  As I was laying Zachary down to change his diaper and get him dressed for the day my eyes read the words on his shirt as if it was the first time I’d ever read it.  A shirt I’ve put on him countless times caused my stomach to do a twist and turn, and if I wasn’t already sitting down I may have felt my knees buckle a bit.  That feeling when you know God is stopping you in your tracks and trying to get your attention?  That’s the moment.  Yep – over a pajama shirt!  I started to weep.

It’s just a shirt.  Really.  But when I read “keep on trucking” those simple words Carters’ put on a cute pair a pajamas became inspired words that soothed my soul.  I get asked all the time “how’s Zachary doing?”  And lately I don’t really know what to say.  “He’s doing good” is a typical response.  But in all honestly I feel like he’s a little stuck.  Not a bad thing.  I’d say he’s getting good at the skills he currently knows.  And he actually has 2 words and several signs he’s using to help him communicate.  That’s so great!  But I’m feeling the weight of stagnant progress.  I’m feeling the stand-still, holding pattern he seems to be in.  I’m feeling the gut instinct that he’s not gaining any weight. (actually since I wrote this we now know he’s lost some weight) And when my eyes see these things my heart tends to sink and get frustrated.

God’s words to me this morning? 
“Keep on trucking.  Keep going, Jessica.  I’m right here with you and Zachary. I know you’re weary and extra busy this summer, just keep trucking along.  I haven’t forgotten Zachary.”

It’s the little moments like this that keep me going and remind me I’m not alone.  I may not have a lot to report on how Zachary is doing, but what I do know?  God’s still got Zachary in the palm of his hand just like He always has.  And at the same time God's working in and through my little boy to teach me so very much!


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